Writing: it started with a bowl

It’s 1985 and I have writers block. My 9 year old self is scratching my head. I am sitting at the kitchen table opposite my mum. She is trying to to be patient but I see the steam. She wants me to describe what’s in my bowl.

I have Mrs Briggs to thank for this. At the start of term, she gave out orange text books, “These are for writing your stories,” she said with a smile.

My ‘stories’ were already written, lined up on my shelf. Anne of Green Gables, Little Women, What Katy Did Next – I ate them up. I was a reader, a total bookworm.

Yet, when it came to writing my head was empty. Adjectives mocked me, similes vexed me and metaphors made me sad. So it came to be that I was sat there staring at my breakfast bowl.

“What do you see Tess?” my mum asks. I’m looking at the dregs of my Weetabix – what should I say? “Describe it to me” she pressed. On the spot, I felt nervous, “Milky pools?” I volunteered. Her eyes brightened, “OK, what else?” Gosh, this was painful, “Umm, muddy mountains.” She was almost buzzing, “Great! What else?” I was grabbing at straws, “A spoon, silvery like the moon.” She clapped her hands, “Yes Tess, you’re doing it!”

There’s nothing better than pleasing your mum; her happiness lights up the room. I was left with a biscuit, juice and the challenge to write.

As the midday sun shone, I started writing my story of The Magic Pen. A mischievous pen, that caused mayhem wherever it went. Do you know what I found? I found that, if I thought less and just wrote, I could end up anywhere.

Days later, when I got my story back from Mrs Briggs, my heart leapt. There on the page was a star and the words, ‘A magical story Tess.’ And so, the reader became the writer. I shall always thank my mum for helping me to find my writing verve.

The yearning for home

One of my favourite words is nostalgia. Apart from the way it rolls off the tongue, its meaning moves me. Gifted to us by the Greeks, it’s no accident that it is born from the words nostos (return home) and algos (pain).

This longing for home, for past times and loved ones, has never been stronger than this year. This strange, topsy turvy year, which has ripped the rug from under us. Who knew, when we toasted the first of January, our resolutions would unravel before the Easter Bunny came.

Suddenly, we were hemmed within four walls, if we were lucky to have a place to be. Coronavirus, that peculiar word, filled our ears and mouths. When we should’ve been planning for holidays, we were watching for symptoms.

But, harder than than the cabin fever, the home-school and zoom fatigue, was the separation. The inability to go to people and places that made you feel whole. As you pine, Boris says “stay put!”

The weeks turn into months. As you struggle with home-work-school-work de ja vu, you start to remember. You revisit the unlikeliest memories; nostalgia sweeps you up.

You are walking home from Ladysmith School, for macaroni with a crispy top. You are listening to your mother sing, her voice loops in the air. You are riding on your father’s shoulders, it is green all around. You are tracing the curves of an old violin, its head is a handsome lion. You wash potatoes in the sink with granny, she smells of soap. You dance with your sister, the fire dances too.

Memories flood you like a wave, pulling tears from inside. The emotion is bittersweet, like sherbet, sucked on a journey home. There is pain in the return, yet it reminds you who you are.

Back in the corona cabin, you hanker for a hug, from those that have known you forever. Instead, you are forced to wait, retracing the memory groove. These roots are stronger in middle age. Your 40 something heart, yearning for that Devon air, the red earth beneath your feet.

Then, a voice pulls you back, a holler from downstairs, “Mummy, I’m hungry!” You shake yourself present, return to the now, to beans on toast and cartoons, the dog snoring beside you.